First Love,
You were the boy who I was once tragically in love with. I was 14, and everyone is tragically in love then. The feelings I had have not changed over the years. Your blonde hair, blue eyes, and crooked smile break my heart every time I see your Facebook.

We had a long distance whirlwind romance. You ran away from home and hitchhiked almost 1,000 miles to see me. I never did get to see you; a trucker called the cops when you finally made it to my hometown. You broke up with me about a week later through a mutual friend. I never directly heard from you again, but I dream about you a lot.

You know those dreams where you are with the person you're supposed to be with? Like, this is your soul mate, but often times their face is blurry or distorted so it's impossible to tell who it is exactly? It's you. It has always been you in my dreams. I can tell from your voice and the violent panic attacks when I wake up crying. I always have nightmares that you're killed in Iraq. The pictures of you in uniform make me cry, too.

I took your love for music with me when you left. I am glad you're happily married with two children. It's bittersweet that you named your daughter the name we picked out together as teenagers. I know where the name came from, does your wife? Or does she know you used to play the song your daughter is named after on the guitar to me for hours on end?

Regardless, you are a bad habit I can't drop, and I don't think I ever will. This, however, is where you will stay forever. I cannot keep carrying you with me daily anymore.

Lovingly yours,
Fippy

PS: I found the lyrics to the song you wrote me, and I kept them in a document on my computer for the last eight years.

Jay Says Hi